But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
