So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
