Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
