You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
