Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
