Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
