Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
