Im at strip club and am horny
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
