the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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