That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize