Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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