I want to stick my p in your. b.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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