So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize