Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
