i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
