just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
