I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
