my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
