He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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