READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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