so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
