When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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