he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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