someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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