I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
