I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
