I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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