so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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