dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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