I will die if light touches me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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