Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
