im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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