You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize