Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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