there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
