What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
