you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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