Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
