I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
