Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
