i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think people are normalizing furries
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
