I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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