Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
