Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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