Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
did i walk over a car last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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