I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
