I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
