dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
