you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
