i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
