May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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