When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
