Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
