I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
