I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
