Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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