My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
