Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
