My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
