I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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