She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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