dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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