I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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