they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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