If that was your dad, he is hot
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Randomize
