this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
