I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
