He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
