Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
