Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
