The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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