Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
