If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
