the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
