she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am one with the molecules
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize