And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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